Truth: Art heals the Soul
My studio/office space is in our home at the front of the house. For more than 5+ years since a renovation, I’ve stared at a “primed” white door that we never got around to painting. WHITE. Just plain ole white.
I’ve mumbled to myself many times over, “I need to paint that door.” For 5 years, I’ve stared at it. It simply got relegated to “just another home improvement,” and I put the project off many times over.
Like most things in life, we don’t necessarily get going until something pulls us in the direction to do so. I’m not entirely sure what got me hyped up to deal with door and it’s lack of color. But, one day… it was just time.
Of course, it was weeks later before I did anything. I was caught up in the dailies of “life’s life” and I’d get back to it, eventually. A weekend ago… I did just that. Out and about running errands I went to the Home Depot, hustled over to the paint and picked a shade of color in less that two minutes. That’s how it works for me. When I know, “I KNOW.” I stepped over to the counter, had a sample mixed up, got a new brush and off I went. Once home, I painted a strip of color on the door and that was it. Done. Perfection. No turning back.
The next morning I went back, bought a quart, a roller, and all the other painting accoutrements to get the job done. Feeling very masterful that I was tackling something from the ever so long “to do” list of improvements, I planned to rock it out. Got home, washed the door, put a little painters tape around the window portion, opened the paint and just dove in.
Just like that.
The hubs was a tad bit exasperated. Phrases like, “are you going to put a sheet down” and “oh, you’re painting it right now” and “ok, so this is happening” were uttered. I just kept going. No plan needed. Motivation in play. Not sure why, but I wanted that door painted.
I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
There’s a rhythm to painting. It’s cathartic. For me, it’s very therapeutic. I know not everyone feels this way (the hubs included). But, for me… it’s kinda my jam.
There was hustle and bustle going on in/out and about the house, but I really didn’t hear it. I stepped into a zone and with every paint stroke I started to feel something. Not a racing of the mind kinda feel. It was a feeling that an ugly cry was about to come on kind of feel.
I recollected a memory with such clarity it took my breath away. I recalled a time, mid 70’s, when my mother repainted the front door of my childhood home. She painted things in our home often. She believed, like so many do, a fresh coat of paint can transform your mood. Whenever she painted our front door, it was different, odd almost. She would paint the door white and only paint the decorative parts in color. Many times, she painted the entire door a solid shade. Many times, she masked parts off and painted designs. It was “her thing.” She often painted cerulean blue.
I started to recollect other times I painted parts of the house with her, and the conversations we had. And, it was in those memories I felt the ugly cry start to swell. I paused and just let it take over. The thoughts. The memories. The beauty of the conversation. And, it felt good. Instead of missing her because I couldn’t call her up to recount those days, I just smiled, and felt grateful that I was able to receive the message in that moment.
I painted the door Thai Teal that day. Why? Because I’m attracted to that shade. It shows up in my work, my space, my thoughts when I meditate… ALOT. I believe the universe wanted me to feel “her” in the space and time that day. And the color makes me happy. No secret there. Color explodes all over the place in my work.
I intuitively create from a place where something has touched me and I need to express it “out loud.” Emotions, feelings, memories, stories I want to tell show up in my art. They just show up. Grief, grieving, the complexity and depth of that emotion was something I had whole-heartedly pushed down for over a decade since my mother’s passing 19 years ago. It has surfaced and been pushed down many times over.
There is no timeline on grieving, and I feel blessed that it is starting to surface with positivity, light, healing and joy for the past two years now. And the ugly cry doesn’t seem to surface as much as it used to.
Thai Teal will forever hold a special place in my colorful world. And when I glance over at the door (and I do everyday now), I will feel blessed to have “felt all the feels” that day. I’ll say a hello and thank you to my mama for giving me such great memories.
These are the “threads of life” that hold us in grace. #arthealsthesoul
