The Journey to Indigojade Art

Indigojade GirlIn early Fall of 2015, I was riddled with work stress, borderline adrenal failure, and at that time, worked with two business partners. Within the two years prior, there were very high highs and very low lows moving from one business partner to eventually two, all the while working at a breakneck pace. I was doing work that I loved. Using my superpowers in marketing and design for good–the whole basis of my vision–when I set out to create that company. Values that I cherished: truth, honesty, grace and integrity were not present within the working relationship(s). Things like negativity, narcissim, ego and dishonest behavior were becoming the norm.

Like many things in life, that adventure wasn’t sustainable. I turned inward to reflection, all the while holding on and trying to grow “this thing” that didn’t serve me. I began to feel a fight within me that struggled and a business that was not my true path.

I had many sleepless nights and zombie-like days, and one late evening… I created this SHE in my sketchbook and posted her to my Instagram page. At first, I didn’t think much about it, just experimenting with some art supplies, and doing a bit of mixed media. I moved on.

Indigojade Sketchbook

Weeks later, struggling inside with stress and anxiety, I pulled down the largest canvas I had in the office/studio and I started to paint. As SHE evolved, I posted her process in my Instagram feed. I was up all night until she was finished.

Over the next few weeks, I moved this large painting around in my workspace. I looked at her. Wondered why she intuitively came alive from my hands. I hadn’t drawn anything like her before. I thought about selling the painting, but for some reason, I couldn’t. I just kept moving her to a different space within mine.

The end of 2015 arrived, and I was professionally betrayed in a way I didn’t see coming. I grieved at the sheer dishonest behavior, and instead of preparing for a fight, I let go with grace, integrity and massive support by my side.

It was a Tsuvah moment. The moment on the path when you realize…it’s the wrong path. You need to pivot and course correct.

Enter 2016

I would come to reflect, realize in its entirety, and explore my work in a whole new way. As 2016 arrived, I made plans and launched a solo marketing business grounded in experiences that would eventually help me to be whole again. I knew I was set out to pursue sharing my art with the world. Instead of rushing that process, I paused. Gave it time. Gave it grace. I reflected on the painting, often, and I came through the other side with the positivity and light, that was and has always been, at the core of my belief system.

I hit the ground running and found much success working solo. I started to think about my art business and moving that forward, quickly. Then, I paused.

I needed time. It needed to percolate. And, I needed to understand the depth and breadth of why I painted HER. There was a reason, and I spent the next several months exploring, desire mapping, creating/making, slowing things down, deepening and strengthening my intimate relationships with my family, friends and most importantly, myself.

I gave myself the space to undo all the things that didn’t serve me and my core beliefs. Kelly Rae Roberts explains this very magical moment as UNDOING all that we have learned. Holy shizzle, #truth. Through the art, through all of the making, I started to heal wounds from many things that tried to dim all the light that wanted to shine through.

I was making art again. It was glorious and I knew if it could help heal me, my hope was that it would bring light to someone else. So… I committed to making and sharing everyday.

By the end of the year, I wrote this on my Instagram page with this photo posted.

2016 Insta Post

When I woke this morning, there were snow flurries and I took a deep breath and smiled. In that moment a flood of thoughts about 2016 and the journey I have made as a human, an artist, a woman who wears many hats, came rushing forward, and I smiled. I smiled because I felt peace, finally. 2016 has been a season of transition for me in many ways in my work and life. Each month taught me so much, giving me many blessings of balance, growth, positivity, opportunity and a sense of grounding and deep love within my family, my people. My work as a human, a maker, an artist has transitioned and been revitalized through this year of reflection and space I gave myself. SPACE, not something we as women in business often allow. I gave it to myself. It has been a gift. I have stretched myself here, shared my work in this community where there is so much grace and positivity, it’s been a blessing. And in this space of sharing, I’ve healed and found such an enormous human spirit of kindness and positivity that is treasured. I’ve learned so much. I’ve posted daily, microblogged a bit here and there and shared my process/progress. This is my longest post ever. I feel I’ve emerged a little lighter, grounded and will continue to take the next step, within the time and space that is decidedly my own. It’s been a gift, slowing down, reflecting, creating art everyday with positivity and light. Sharing, getting to know this wonderfully giving artist community. What a blessing of light and love and warmth. Thank you! I’m figuring things out, just like most people I know, and it’s good. More to come! Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming of sharing artsy goodness, shall we? ???

I came through the year stronger, and what I realized early on in the process is that SHE is ME. Deep inside, my inner SHE knew what needed to be done. It just took time, and I’m grateful. I named my company Indigojade (Creative and Art) because that’s who SHE is.

I see her everyday. She is a reminder of all that I am, and all that I hope to be, in spreading light, positivity, strength and grace through my gifts, my talents and my service to others.

I am blessed.

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